yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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