I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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