I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize