I am in a vortex of obligation.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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