I love black thongs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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