OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
