I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
