he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
