Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
