Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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