You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
