I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
