put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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