You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize