He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
