It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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