Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my sisters under your porch take her home
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
