I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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