Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
