i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
