How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize