that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
