Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
