So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
