She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
