i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
