When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize