And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
