I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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