And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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