we're blogging at a bar
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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