3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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