What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Panties = found
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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