i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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