ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
