He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
barbara walters just said penis...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
