actually, I'm a sock model
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
