you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
