Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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