never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
