end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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