I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
