Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
