i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
