The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
