great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
