just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
