just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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