hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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