You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
