is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
