so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
