You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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