If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
