We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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