I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
