Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
