he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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