I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize