i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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