I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
