Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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