Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
