You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
