dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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