i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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