Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
