His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
