i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
