y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
