The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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