I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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