I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
