if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
