Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
