Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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