Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
