the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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