i jhust puked up my retainher.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
