ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
