Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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