Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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