if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
