I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
