"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize