The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
