If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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