actually, I'm a sock model
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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