My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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