I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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