Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
