you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your penis caused this!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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