it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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