No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
