this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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