So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
