I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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