uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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