Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
