if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
