bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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