who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize