Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
