Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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