My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
