party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
