Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
