if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
