how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize