my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
