i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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