Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
