Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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