At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
