Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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