This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
